Positivity

“Rose colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.” - Ann Landers

In this season of Thanksgiving we are exploring gratitude, which is considered by some to be the “mother of all positive emotions”. This week we’ll look at positive and negative emotions more generally to see how they differ from one another and the impact they have on our wellbeing. To start, let’s consider this scenario:

You have been working all day, stuck in back to back Zoom meetings for over 5 hours. Your shoulders ache, lower back is sore, and your head is pounding. You need a break. You put your shoes on and head out the door for a walk to clear your head. As you walk, you feel yourself start to relax. It is a beautiful day. The street is quiet and peaceful. It feels so good to move and be outside. Your mind wanders. Your attention is drawn to a stand of trees. You notice how the leaves have turned to brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow. They seem to glow in the sun. Overwhelmed by their colors and how they contrast against the blue sky, you stop for a moment to take in the sight. It fills you with a deep sense of awe and respect for nature. Continuing your walk, you notice how relaxed you feel. The tension has disappeared from your shoulders and your head is no longer pounding. You realize how much you enjoy these short walks and wonder why you don’t do this more often. At the beginning of the pandemic, you walked every day, even if it was only for 15 minutes. What happened? Why, you wonder, did you stop? You recall it was when your new supervisor came on board. She is a fan of twice daily meetings, and, you realize, is terrible at time management. Her meetings go on forever! She is so inconsiderate of your time! It is so frustrating! How did she ever get to be a supervisor? Suddenly you realize there is an important email you forgot to send. You quicken your step and power walk back home to get back to work.

Does this seem familiar? The circumstances may be different, but have you ever found yourself ricocheting between moments of exhaustion, to that of joy, only to bounce back into analysis, judgement, and perhaps even anger or fear? We all ride our emotional roller coasters, with some doing so more often than others. But, throughout your day, how aware are you of your emotional states? More specifically, what’s your daily ratio of negative emotions to positive emotions?

Research shows that, in terms of wellbeing, we should pay just as much attention to our emotional states as we do our Fitbit, caloric intake, and sleep hygiene. There is growing evidence that the types of emotions we experience have a significant impact on our health, in ways similar to exercise, physical activity, sleep, and diet. More importantly, we now know that positive emotions impact our health differently than do negative emotions. Whereas negative emotions can lead to stress and a host of chronic illnesses, positive emotions tend to improve our wellbeing and extend longevity. And research shows that it is not that any one specific type of emotion is more toxic than the other; it is the ratio of positive to negative emotions that has the strongest impact on our health.

Historically, psychologists categorized emotions as urges that spur us to take a specific action. All emotions were thought to direct our attention and produce rapid changes in the body. These actions served as an essential part of human evolution as they enhanced our chances of survival. Fear causes us to flee, anger to attack, disgust to expel poisons, and so on. But more recent research suggests that this viewpoint only describes negative emotions. Positive emotions also enhance our chances of survival but do so in vastly different ways. In fact, in terms of how they alter our attention and the actions they create, positive emotions appear to be the exact opposite of negative emotions in many important ways.

We need negative emotions to survive. Negative emotions are a signal that a need is not being met. These needs can be immediate and intense, such as fear when you lose your child in a crowded mall. Or they can be subtle, such as the irritation you feel when a coworker addresses you with a condescending tone of voice. Regardless of intensity, negative emotions have certain qualities in common. First, negative emotions narrow our attention, signaling a need to protect ourselves. Our focus turns exclusively to solving the problem, to meeting that need that is arising in the present moment. Second, they create tension in the body which prepares us to take action. Our heart rate rises, breath becomes shallow, muscles tense. Third, negative emotions are plentiful and easy to generate. They have a sticky, dense quality that enables them to hijack our body and our thoughts, making it difficult to shake them off. Like tiresome guests, once we let them in, they quickly wear out their welcome and are hard to get rid of.

Going back to the scenario presented above, you can see how quickly negativity can take over. One minute you are relaxed and enjoying the beauty of an autumn day and the next minute you are angry at your supervisor. How does that happen? The general rule is that over-analysis kills positivity. Once we start to label, judge, and analyze a positive experience we crush it. Unlike negative emotions that steamroller us in an instant, positive emotions are fragile and fleeting. They need to be cultivated, grown over time with care and a gentle touch.

Positive emotions have two distinct characteristics. First, they generate a sense of calm, which, unlike negative emotions, broadens our scope of attention. They help us become more receptive, curious, and creative. Second, whereas negative emotions are immediate, positive emotions benefit us over a longer period of time. Their effects are cumulative in that they build resources that can be used in the future. They help us develop new skills, expand our associations, broaden our understanding, and find new ways of being. Most importantly, positive emotions open our hearts and soften our hard edges, creating trust which strengthens our social connections. Expansive thinking and an open heart help us to look at the world through a broader lens, helping us to see how we are connected to one another rather than how we are different.

Positive emotions help us to flourish and thrive rather than just survive. That is not to imply that we should suppress negative emotions. To do so would jeopardize our survival. We need negative emotions just as much as we need positive ones. The problem for most of us is that we don’t have enough positivity in our lives. In fact, many don’t even know what a positive emotion feels like, thinking that feeling good is simply the absence of stress. Positivity is more than just feeling “good” or “happy”; it is tapping into our inner wellspring that helps us recognize our strengths and build resilience. Positivity builds a better future. The bad news is that, unlike the easy availability of negative emotions, it takes effort to develop positive emotions. The good news is, once started, positivity creates an upward spiral which builds on itself. The first step is to learn how to plant the seeds, then cultivate the soil, and then give these emotions the space needed to grow.

In order to access positive emotions, we must feel safe. The body senses safety when it feels supported and stable, and when there is reduced muscular tension, especially in the hips and shoulders. As usual, yoga provides a perfect platform to create this sense of safety.