Transitions: Hope

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Oliver Wendall Holmes

December is a month that features both beginnings and endings. The winter solstice is celebrated by some spiritual traditions as the rebirth of the sun, a time when the earth’s orbit shifts and our orientation to the sun gradually brings us more daylight in the Northern Hemisphere. Themes of renewal, beginnings, and rebirth are shared in numerous religious and spiritual celebrations that are observed on or around December 25th. New Year’s Eve represents both a beginning and an end, with the completion of the calendar year while looking to what lies ahead. Even though New Year’s Eve is just another space on the calendar, it is recognized by many cultures as a time of transition, a chance to put the past behind us and forge ahead toward the promise of a new beginning.

With its emphasis on change and renewal, December lends itself to the cultivation of hope. Everything in life comes to an end, and in each ending is a new beginning. As we know, transitions can be unsettling. Hope offers reassurance that we will benefit from the impending changes, and that the loss associated with one door closing will become the springboard for growth as another door opens. But hope is a fragile emotion that, if not treated with care, can morph into wishful thinking. When held too tightly, it becomes a sort of fairy dust that we imbue with the power to fulfill our desires. Clinging to hope in this way leads to craving and attachment. We become fixated on how we want life to be, believing we will be happy once we have a certain thing, person, or experience.

What, exactly, is hope? It is associated with optimism and often conflated with faith. In psychological literature, hope is defined in many ways—as a character strength, an emotion, or a component of motivation. At times it is defined as the fuel that spurs us to action in the face of challenging goals or as the necessary ingredient that sustains us and builds resilience, helping us to bounce back from adversity. Unlike well-defined emotions such as empathy, joy, shame, and fear, there is a fuzzy quality to hope. It’s healing properties emerge in the shadows where it quietly supports our intentions, guides our actions, and shapes our future.

Barbara Frederickson is a renowned psychologist who has pioneered the study of positive emotions. Her research shows that, although most positive emotions are cultivated when we feel safe and secure, hope is unusual as it arises in times of adversity. It is most salient when things are not going well, at those moments when things seem most dire. When faced with a loss, crisis, or desperate circumstances, fear causes us to draw inward, curl into a ball, or collapse in despair. This is the moment when hope quietly arises. It appears like a small crack of light in darkness, reminding us that, no matter how uncertain our circumstances are at the moment, things will always change. More intricate than optimism, hope is much more than an upbeat attitude. It sustains us, lifting us above our troubles by showing us possibilities, helping us tap into our capacity to find meaning in our struggle.

Held too tightly, hope can become a form of refuge that clouds our vision with wishful or magical thinking. In the final weeks of his life, my father would ask me to take him for long car rides. He wanted a break from the constant stream of visitors, phone calls, and cards that encouraged him “not to give up hope”. Although he appreciated people's sentiments, their messages of encouragement were exhausting. They were a balm for those who feared his passing. He accepted his impending death and wanted to spend his time enjoying the present moment, not fighting for an unlikely outcome. He was by no means hopeless—he was quite cheerful during our car rides--finding relief in accepting his circumstances, enjoying his favorite places, and embracing all that life had to offer in his final days.

Hope arises in the present moment. It blossoms when we release our grip on expectations of what life should be like, when we cease clinging to our desire for things to turn out a certain way. Since our culture values goal driven behavior, we are rewarded for fixating on achieving specific outcomes. We believe that life will be perfect once we have that one thing, one person, one experience. But in retrospect, how often in life do we get exactly what we want? How many resolutions do we make and then abandon when we fail to achieve the anticipated results? Hope does not guarantee success, it simply illuminates possibilities. Hope helps us appreciate the impermanence of life with the understanding that all things change. It provides reassurance that whatever is happening in the present moment is not the end of the story but is only part of a narrative that has yet to be completed.

Experience is a good teacher, but we need to show up to class to benefit from its lessons. Clinging to hope obscures what life can teach us. The richness of its lessons unfolds when we relax into uncertainty and accept our circumstances. As we loosen our grip, hope finds the space it needs to grow. Hope illuminates those times in our past when we faced a struggle and pulled through. It shines a light on our resources, our strengths, and our connection with others, who most likely are also struggling in some way. By framing our experience within a larger context, we gain perspective and cultivate wisdom. Hope lifts us above the struggle, elevating us to the top of a mountain. From there we can see all of what life has to offer with a view of where we have been and how far we have come. We may not know exactly what the future holds but from that mountain top we can see all the paths that can move us forward. The lesson comes not in where it takes us, but what it teaches us along the way.

As you approach the end of this month of transition, let hope lift you to the top of your mountain. Pause and relax into the view. Take notice of where you have traveled in 2021. What surprised you? Which experiences were your greatest teachers? Compare where you are now to where you were at the start of 2021. What sustains you? What can you let go of? As you look to the journey ahead, which values will be your guides?

Happy Holidays everyone! May you find wisdom in your past, joy in the present, and be lifted by hope into whatever may unfold in the year ahead.