“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
It is safe to say that Dolly Parton is having a moment. Although she has been an admired performer for over 50 years, her popularity has grown over the decades, especially during the pandemic. In the tumultuous summer of 2020 when monuments of controversial historical figures were being toppled, a petition was directed to Tennessee lawmakers calling for a statue of Dolly to be installed. The petition, which received 23,000 signatures, proposed tearing down divisive monuments and replacing them with one of Dolly, a symbol of a woman who worked her entire life to bring people together rather than tearing our nation apart.
Why do people love Dolly so much? Perhaps because she is a living example of the western ideal of grit and integrity: she knows what she wants, understands her limitations, works hard to reach her goals, and is willing to give back. Her integrity shined through last week when she declined consideration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Although other country western singers have won this honor in the past, Dolly Parton declined, stating, “I don’t feel that I have earned that right.” She explained that she was not a rock singer and did not want to take recognition away from those artists who had worked hard to earn the right. She expressed an interest in producing a rock album some day and, if she did, hoped that she would be considered for the honor if her music was deemed worthy.
Regardless of what you might think about Parton’s philanthropy, her music, or her worthiness for Rock and Roll’s Hall of Fame, her refusal to be considered for such an honor is a living example of Patanjali’s third Yama, Asteya. Although translated literally as “nonstealing”, the practice of Asteya runs much deeper than simply not taking what doesn’t belong to us. There are two parts to Asteya. The first asks us to act with integrity, to take only that which we have developed the knowledge, skills, and competencies to own. The second part focuses on stewardship, in which we are called to take good care of what we have earned, and reciprocity, in which we are prepared to give back in recognition of what we have taken.
Most of us are law abiding citizens who respect each other’s property, learning from an early age to respect the boundaries of what is rightfully ours and what belongs to others. At times the lines of ownership are clear, but frequently they are fuzzy. Many years ago, a coworker “borrowed” a music CD I made for a cycling class. I had mistakenly left it on the stereo after teaching where she had found it, took it home, and made a copy to use in her classes. Although she returned the CD and told me what she had done, I was uncomfortable that she had made a copy without first asking permission. Instructors frequently shared CD’s, so my coworker meant no harm. But making music CD’s took hours and, in the days prior to streaming services, cost money to download songs, so it was an unwritten rule that you asked for permission to borrow a CD. By violating this unwritten rule, I felt like she had stolen from me.
Establishing solid boundaries is a prerequisite for the practice of Asteya. To avoid stealing, we need to recognize where “I” ends, distinguishing our individual needs from those of others. On paper this seems obvious, but the nature of the human mind blurs the lines between our perceptions and reality, leading us to believe that our judgments, interests, and opinions are universal rather than uniquely our own. This creates a blind spot that causes us to unknowingly take that which is not ours to have. It may be an outward act such as taking a CD, or subtle behavior such as stealing a person’s time or attention. We might steal a coworker’s time when we chatter away about a fabulous weekend, unaware that she is clearly not interested and needs to get back to work. Or we dominate a book club discussion with our opinion, stealing another person’s opportunity to share. Asteya begins when we develop the capacity to distinguish our thoughts, judgments, and perceptions from reality. It requires us to draw the line between what is mine, what is shared, and what belongs to others.
We are more likely to steal when we turn our focus outward, shifting our attention away from our own desires and needs to focus on what others may or may not have. When engaged in comparison, we will always find ourselves lacking. Comparing ourselves to others leads to feeling either cheated or superior and can spark an underlying sense of deprivation. It creates a painful longing that impedes our capacity to experience joy and peace. The Buddha tells us that every time we compare ourselves to others we are collecting suffering and hindering our ability to grow our unique gifts. Like the Buddha, Asteya reminds us that there will always be those who have more than us and those who are less fortunate, but this is of no consequence. What matters is what we are doing in the present moment with the life we have.
How do we know if what we take is ours to have? The work of Asteya begins by identifying our deeply held values, interests, and needs. On the surface, this seems to be a straightforward task—we are encouraged at a young age to develop interests, pursue goals, and be self-sufficient. We live in a culture in which our identity and self-worth is defined by our accomplishments, so the ability to identify needs and pursue dreams is highly prized. But the Yamas take us down a different path. They are part of an ancient wisdom tradition that encourages us to identify what is known as the true self. This is a type of self-knowledge that comes from a deep, experiential truth that is uncovered through reflective and meditative practices. In this tradition, the true self is not reflected in what we have, but in how our actions express our deeply held beliefs, values, and convictions. Asteya has more to do with integrity than it does with accomplishments, encouraging us to act in ways that inspire trust and respect.
The word integrity derives from the Latin “integer”, which expresses a sense of wholeness, a solidity that cannot be divided. When we live with integrity, we are less likely to be distracted by external influences that spark unnecessary desires. When our values and beliefs spring from a deep well of authenticity, we find that we have fewer desires, wants, and needs. Developing integrity grows at a different pace than that of accomplishments; it takes time to assimilate, digest, and reflect on our experiences. This slower pace runs counter to that of accomplishments, which are driven by deadlines and require us to press forward, always rushing to the next goal. This relentless pursuit of more robs us of the opportunity to cultivate the wisdom that comes with experience. Asteya reminds us that we receive more when we need less and do less, taking only that which keeps us whole. What are the essentials you need in life, those things or experiences that resonate with your deepest values? What brings you deep and long-lasting joy?
An important part of Asteya is to be a good steward of what we own, asking us to be prepared to receive and care for what life has to offer when it comes our way. Before the pandemic, many people longed for more time. Work-life balance and stress were hot topics as people demanded more leisure time, a slower pace, or even the space to catch their breath. The pandemic came along and shut the world down. Suddenly we had more time, a slower pace, a chance to roll to a stop. But some were not ready for this change. They got the time they craved but had no clue what to do with it. Instead, they did nothing. Asteya reminds us that we must be able and willing to care for what we own. What we take and what we have becomes an act of stealing when we fail to reciprocate. Everything we get in life comes at a cost. Are we willing to pay the price for what we receive? Do we have the capacity to care for what we are given?
We live in a time in which stealing is in the news every day. There are, perhaps, too many examples of how we violate Asteya. Perhaps we can learn more by focusing on a living example of this Yama. Let’s think of Dolly Parton as we go through the upcoming week. Even with 23,000 signatures, she asked the Tennessee General Assembly to table the bill that called for her statue. She has twice declined the Presidential Medal of Freedom. She has earned numerous awards but has taken only those she has the right to own and the ability to care for. Dolly Parton is a woman who knows her true self. She has integrity, works hard, and is a good steward of the riches she has earned, giving back to others in many ways. Yes, Dolly is having a moment, and she certainly has earned it.
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