“A culture is only human to the extent that its members confirm each other.”
Martin Buber
During a White House briefing held in 2000 at the end of his presidency, Bill Clinton described the findings of the Human Genome Project as “the most wonderous map ever produced by humankind”. He stated that the science of genetic inheritance would revolutionize medicine, leading to cures for Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and cancer, dramatically changing the course of human disease by “attacking illnesses at their genetic roots”. Two decades later, we now know that, whereas there are a few diseases that are purely determined by genes—namely Huntington’s and Muscular Dystrophy—the connection between health and genetics is not as strong as we had thought. Although the risk of getting a disease is elevated with the presence of a genetic factor, it is not a guarantee that one will develop the illness; only about 7% of women who get breast cancer have the so-called “Breast Cancer Gene, or BRCA mutation. Indeed, since 2000, we have learned that our original presumptions about genetics were misguided. It’s not that genes don’t matter—they most certainly do—but they account for a small percentage—about 5%--of a person’s longevity. Rather, far from being in control of our destiny, the influence of our genetic makeup is largely dependent on environmental factors. Evidence shows it is our daily life experiences that determine which genes get turned on and which ones remain silent. In short, it is the totality of our lifestyle—who we are, what we do, our personal strengths as well as our vulnerabilities--that determine the role genes play in our health.
Our culture tells us that healthy behaviors and timely medical treatments are essential for a long and healthy life. While positive changes to our diet, exercise routine, stress management, and sleep can improve our physical and mental well-being, their contribution to longevity is not overwhelming; studies find they only contribute about 20%. And, whereas medical advancements have extended the average human lifespan, these improvements also have a modest effect—they also only contribute about 20%. Importantly, neither healthy behaviors nor better medical treatments are shown to convey a strong effect on the overall subjective quality of our lives. They might give us more days, but not necessarily better ones. What really seems to make a difference to both the length and quality of our lives comes from the mostly underappreciated but extremely important influence our social lives have on our physical and mental well-being.
Genetics, healthy behaviors, and medical treatments all play an important role in how well we function physically—from our energy levels and alertness to the absence or management of pain and disability. But healthy metrics such as blood pressure, weight, and cholesterol tell us nothing about the quality of one’s daily life--the spark that makes life worth living. It is through the strength and depth of our social connections that we find meaning and purpose in life. Dr. Daniel Siegel, who studies the neurobiology of interpersonal relationships, has found that nothing about our physical health can be fully understood or treated without first understanding one’s social and emotional environment. The actions we take to support our health are important but, according to Dr. Seigel’s research and those of other clinicians and social scientists, what is critical to our well-being is how well connected we are to the world around us.
Our culture values close ties, and with good reason. People who are in stable, happy relationships have significantly lower rates of early mortality than their single contemporaries, an effect that is five times greater for men than for women. Single, unattached people have a higher risk of heart disease, cancer, and show decreased levels of immunity. But it is better for your health to be unattached than in an unhappy relationship, as people in contentious marriages suffer a higher rate of disease than those who are single. The evidence shows that a nurturing, supportive partner buffers the stresses of life that make us more likely to become ill. And although having a few of these relationships—between three to five is optimal--research shows we need only one to experience significant health benefits.
Humans are wired to be social, and although intimate relationships are critical to good health, we seem to do better in life when we cultivate social connections that extend beyond our inner circle. Evolutionarily, having a variety of relationships was better for survival; being connected to more people provided safety and ensured more survival needs would be met. What was true for our ancestors remains true today, although our needs and living environments are much more complex.
Our closest relationships exist in the small space of our inner circle. It is here we find safety and stability, a sort of emotional sanctuary that protects us from the stresses of daily life. When we step outside of our inner circle we find more loosely held social contacts. Here we find more variety, from casual friends, coworkers, and roommates to acquaintances and neighbors—essentially all the folks you may spend time with but do not consider as close as those in your innermost circle. Generally, these contacts make life more interesting and enjoyable, sometimes even providing structural support, but aren’t as reliable or trusted as your close relationships. From this second circle lies the third layer of our connections, which is made up of superficial and transient contacts. This layer includes the people who provide services, such as the postal carrier, hairdresser, and the nurse at the doctor’s office. It also includes familiar faces we might encounter but do not interact with for any length of time, such as a security guard, a fellow runner, a neighbor walking his dog. There is a great deal of variety in the types of people who exist at the periphery of our social life, but they all share the common element of providing what is called a “weak tie”. The thread that connects us to these people is thin but their presence makes us feel like part of a larger community.
Connections in our second circle can, with time and attention, grow into strong ties that eventually get absorbed into our inner circle. The sociologist Dr. Mark Gronvetter has studied the influence of so-called “weak ties”—the second and third tier layers of our social connections--and finds that they are just as important to our health, although in different ways from our more intimate relationships. His research shows that different layers of friends and acquaintances bring novelty and variety to our lives; the closed networks of our inner circle typically offer only sameness and predictability. Whereas close intimate relationships are stable, our peripheral contacts are more spontaneous, providing the spice that makes life more interesting and engaging.
Perhaps one of the most important benefits of weak ties is how they connect us to a larger world. Strong ties offer an important measure of reliability, making them an important tool for managing our stress. But with stability comes the risk of stagnation; a social life consisting only of our closest relationships can easily become an echo chamber that stunts one’s growth. People who exist on the periphery of our social circles tend to be more varied in their opinions and preferences, which exposes us to new opportunities, ideas, and perspectives. Studies show that the opportunities in life that serve as tailwinds are more likely to come from the people who exist at the fringes of our lives, not from those in our close inner circle. Most importantly, Dr. Gronvetter found that people who cultivate a high number of weak ties are more likely to feel a strong connection to their community as a whole and have more resources to call upon for support when needed.
Social media is a perfect platform for creating numerous weak ties, but it does not confer the same health benefits as our in-person connections. The impact of weak ties to our wellbeing relies on another's physical presence to meet our need to be seen, recognized, and acknowledged. We get a shot of humanity every time someone looks us in the eye and smiles, waves, nods, or extends a greeting. It is through physical recognition, however casual, that weak ties anchor us to time and place; each nod and wave confirms we are part of a larger community.
“All my relations” is a greeting used by some Native communities that refers to the importance of existing in relationship with all—from close relatives to strangers as well as ancestors and all of nature. The greeting reminds us that we are affected by all, and that our actions affect everything around us. Increasingly, science is pointing to this wisdom as the key to a life well lived, both physically and mentally. Wellness is holistic; given that humans are malleable, our health is a reflection of how we respond to and are molded by our relationships, environments, and life events.
There is no one factor—be it genetics, diet, exercise, or a vaccine—that dictates our destiny. We are wise to cultivate our close ties but will enjoy life more by celebrating a variety of social connections. All our social contacts—both strong and weak—remind us of how our presence reverberates in the world. Even the simple action of smiling at a stranger or offering a coworker a few words of support may well be the spark they need to feel better—we never really know how our actions impact others. What is clear is that all our relationships matter, and that each time we reach out to connect to someone else we are taking a step to improve both our own well-being and the health of others. It is through these simple actions that our life gains its luster, zest, and, importantly, meaning.
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